Ninja Sex ed: baby making jutsu
by reebajee
Summary: Once you are a genin, you are deemed old enough to learn the facts of life. Oneshot
"Alright then." Kakashi said as he stood up. "That will be all for today."

"What!" Naruto exclaimed.

Sakura was confused. "But sensei," She said, "all we did was introduce ourselves."

"You're our teacher." Sasuke pointed out. "Shouldn't you be training us?"

Kakashi smiled. "Sorry, but not today." He answered.

Sasuke glared. 'Next thing I know he'll be poking my forehead, just like _him._ ' He thought. Sasuke's rage was palpable. Somehow however he managed to keep a level tone. "You know, Kakashi," he said, "we're going to be a team for a long time. Slaking off on the first day does not leave me with a good impression. I suggest we both do our jobs and make this relationship the least painful as possible."

Inner Sakura squealed. "Oh Sasuke! You're so bold!" She thought.

Kakashi sighed. It was just his luck to get a cocky one. It was only the first day and Sasuke had already tried to threaten him. "You misunderstood me." Kakashi said. "The reason that I will not be teaching you today is because all the new genin will be training together."

Naruto scratched his head. "What kind of training?" He asked.

"Be quiet Naruto!" Sakura scolded. "Don't be so rude."

"How was I rude?" Naruto asked. "I just asked a question. Sasuke was the one talking back."

"Ahem." Kakashi cleared his throat to break up the quarrel. "Think of it as a lesson in Life skills."

Sasuke sulked. "I don't need that!" He almost yelled. "I need to start training to become stronger." You don't need life skills to kill an evil older brother.

Kakashi scratched his head. "Well, I guess you could call this training. It will certainly help you with your first goal, Sasuke. We squad leaders were told not to give it away, but I guess you won't stop pestering me until I tell you a bit more about it." Kakashi took out his book make out tactics and started reading. "This afternoon, all the genin will be learning a very important jutsu, one that the whole human race depends on." Kakashi smiled to himself. 'That got their attention.' He thought. Looking back at his book, he said, "You will be learning the baby making jutsu."

Naruto was confused, Sakura blushed and Sasuke stayed expressionless. 'Oh Sasuke,' Inner Sakura thought. 'You're so mature. I should be like you and realize that it is a fact of life. But still…' Sakura raised her hand. "But sensei," she said, "I already know that stuff. My parents already told me."

"That may be," Kakashi admitted, "but the village needs to ensure that you are all properly prepared and that there is no confusion. Bye." He said and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"I don't get it." Naruto complained.

Sasuke looked thoughtful. Turning to Sakura he asked, "What are you doing in the time we have before the lesson?"

'Cha!' Inner Sakura was ecstatic. 'Sasuke kun is asking me on a date!' Outwardly Sakura answered shyly. "Nothing really. What did you have in mind?"

"You said you knew this jutsu." Sasuke repeated. "Teach it to us so that we can practice it. I want to have this jutsu down as soon as possible."

Eh? A cartoon bead of sweat dropped off the back of Sakura's head. "You mean, you don't already know it?" She asked.

Sasuke and Naruto shook their heads.

"But didn't your parents…" Sakura cut herself off remembering that unlike her, her teammates didn't have parents. No parents meant no 'Talks'. Averting her eyes, Sakura said, "I'm not sure I' should be the one to teach you that."

"Don't be modest, Sakura." Naruto cajoled. "I'm sure you're great at making babies."

"Shut up Naruto!" Sakura yelled, punching the fool. Then she sighed. "I guess I better tell you or you'll keep on saying stupid things like that in public." Shaking her head, Sakura lead the boys to a more secluded area. "I never thought I'd say this." She muttered. "Naruto, could you do your sexy jutsu for us?"

"What? But why?" He asked.

"Just do it!"

Naruto preformed his sexy jutsu and Sakura pointed at Naruto's crotch. "Girls don't have all the body parts that boys do." She explained.

Girl Naruto raised her hand. "But Sakura, if you just needed to show us a girl's body, why'd you make _me_ do it? You're a real girl, why couldn't we just look at you?"

"Naruto you idiot!" Sakura yelled and punched him so hard that he turned back into his original form.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Sakura. What does this have to do with the jutsu?" He asked.

"So…" She continued, "Well only girls can have babies… But they need a boy too."

Sasuke was becoming impatient. "Get on with it Sakura. I know only women get pregnant. Tell me how to do it already."

Sakura was getting flustered. "D-do it? Do what?" She stammered.

Sasuke sighed and looked at her as if she were stupid. Then, talking very slowly and loudly as if to a deaf person said, "For example, HOW would I get YOU pregnant?"

Sakura blushed pinker than her hair and fainted. When she awoke, Naruto was fanning her face and Sasuke was leaning against a tree scowling.

"Sakura! Are you all right?" Naruto asked.

Blushing again, Sakura suggested they head over to the meeting place. There, the genin were directed to separate by sex and go into two different rooms. The girls went into a room with Kurenai, and the boys went into a room with Shikaku.

When the girls were seated, Kurenai began her lesson.

"Now ladies, you all are now officially genin and have taken the first step on the road to become wonderful kunoichi. Now that you have begun your journey, there are things you must know about. The woman's body is a beautiful entity that needs special care. Firstly, all of you will some day begin your cycle, and you must learn how to deal with it while you are on missions. We will begin this lesson going over your different options in jutsu, from covering your scent, to delaying your period to stopping it all together. We'll go over all the pros and cons of each method and then learn them all."

The class groaned. Learning jutsu? This really was going to be like training.

"Next," Kurenai continued, " We will go over the special abilities of the female body such as reproduction. Then, we will learn the birth control jutsu, and the pregnancy test jutsu.

Sakura raised her hand. "Um, Kurenai sensei, Kakashi sensei told us we would be learning the baby making jutsu, not the baby preventing jutsu."

Kurenai put a hand over her mouth. Baby making jutsu? That Kakashi was too much. Stifling a grin, Kurenai replied that they would be studying both.

If you become sexually active, you could become pregnant. This is one of the greatest gifts and setbacks of the female body. If you begin to have sex, you must preform the test jutsu every day, even if you used the prevention jutsu. It is incredibly important that you and the village know if you are pregnant as soon as possible. That way we have the most amount of time to either reverse it, or put you on less dangerous missions. If you plan on carrying your pregnancy to term, which we don't recommend for girls your age, you cannot, and I repeat, cannot go on any missions higher than a D rank. Doing so would not only endanger yourself, but also the fetus growing inside you.

The boys took their seats and Shikaku began to speak. "Today, gentlemen, we'll be learning about love." Several of the boys groaned and Shikaku raised his hand for silence. Taking a piece of chalk from the board, he threw it at his son who had already put his head on his desk to take a nap. "Pay attention Shikamaru. Show some respect to your old man."

"Yeah, yeah," Shikamaru muttered.

"Anyway," Shikaku continued, "Some of you may have already began to experience times when you're penis behaves strangely. This is your body reacting to physical attraction. For example, when I first met your mom, Shikamaru-"

"Dad!" Shikamaru exclaimed

"What?" Shikaku asked, annoyed. "She's a beautiful woman."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Mom isn't pretty, she's just scary."

"Is there a difference?" Shikaku asked winking his eye. "We ninja admire strength, so what better than to find a woman strong enough to make you afraid, yet gentle enough to not make you feel weak. It's that combination of power and sensitivity that makes women so wonderful, and so hard to understand. Anyway, your body reacts when you see someone you would potentially pair with. However, this bodily reaction can also cloud your vision, allowing you to make bad decisions when it comes to missions or love."

Naruto raised his hand. "Excuse me Shikamaru's dad, I thought we were learning where babies come from."

"Oh, right. Well you see, men and boys have penises, and women and girls have what are called vaginas."

Sasuke's hands were folded in front of his face, hiding the blush that began to spread over his cheeks. Why were they talking about private parts?

"You see," Shikaku went on, "men and women's parts fit together. The act of sliding both of them into place, prepares them for the next step. Eventually, the man will eject semen into the woman, and that is what can potentially get her pregnant."

"Oh." Naruto said. "So smooshing your private part with someone else's private parts gets girls pregnant?" He asked.

"To put it simply." Shikaku said stroking his beard.

"There is NO WAY I'm letting you do that to Sakura, Sasuke!" Naruto yelled.

Sasuke looked away. "Hmph. As if I'd even want to." He muttered. "Now shut up and stop pointing at me loser, you look like an idiot."


End file.
